Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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