Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
