Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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