its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My dick has a subreddit
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
