Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
