I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
