this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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