we made out on top of his cat.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
