Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
