I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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