for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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