Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
