I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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