just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Fuck appropriateness.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
