is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
