I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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