I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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