At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
