Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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