last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
