So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
