DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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