I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
