Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
