Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
