So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
