Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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