What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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