You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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