i don't like sucking hair
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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