U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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