party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
