In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
