If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
