Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
