After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
