question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
