I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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