never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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