You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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