i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he wants to bone in the snuggie
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
