No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I am naked and annoyed.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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