life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
