You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
