The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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