Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
