I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
