I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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