He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
