i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
