I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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