dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
