i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
