Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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