By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
