Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
