I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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