who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
