is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
