Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
