He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
