Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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