I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
