a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
