Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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